I hate your face
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
