dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
