I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
