I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Randomize
