Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
