And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
