Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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