i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize