She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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