I wish my penis had an off switch
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
