The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
