i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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