Its about making memories worth repressing
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
