I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
