last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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