I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I love having hate sex.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
