he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
