marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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