haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They took my balls.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
