she woke up with a sticky ear
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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