Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
