i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
