these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
