At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
