So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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