Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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