at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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