I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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