I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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