I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
where am i from again
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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