6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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