now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this just has baby written all over it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Randomize
