there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize