Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
