Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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