fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
