I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
