I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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