So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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