You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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