I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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