I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
