your thong is hanging out like whoa
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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