"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
