I wish my penis had an off switch
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
