the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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