the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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