she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
