She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
