so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
