Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
