it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize