how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
