I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
