One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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