she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
