Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
