I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
