Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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