Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
