That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
