It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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