remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
