I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
