Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
