So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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