i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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