i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
