absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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