she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want her autograph on my taint
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
