Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
