ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
