SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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