u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She bit a glass in half.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
