thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
