So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We are all done wearing pants today
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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