On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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