her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
