sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize