do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
