They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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