i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We talked him into tasing himself.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
