honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
