More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
