As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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