Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize