You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize