Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
