Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize