I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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