piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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