we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
