I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize