hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
