apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize