I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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