I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
false alarm, still single
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