if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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