I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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